One Direction Fanfictions

chapter 23

Sun, 20 May 2012 12:05:00 -0400

I pulled away from him.
“No Harry, I can’t..” he looked a bit surprised and hurt, so I hurried to add “I.. I’m not ready.. not yet”. I sat up and covered myself up with the blanket. “You know.. a month ago I hadn’t even kissed a guy. I mean, sex; it’s like another dimension to me.”
“I know.. it was stupid” he tried to act cool, but I could see that he was a bit disappointed “I’m really really sorry, won’t happen again.”
“Oh, don’t say that..” I lay my head down in his lap “I’m just not ready yet”.
“Well, let me know when you are then” Harry whispered into my ear, even though we were the only people in the entire flat. His dark voice sounded even sexier when he was whispering.
“I will” I ensured him, smiling up at him as he kissed my forehead.

A couple of hours later we were both back in Harry’s car, on our way to the airport. It had gotten a bit awkward between us after I’d denied to have sex with him. Okay, denied sounded mean. I’d just said no because I wasn’t ready and Harry understood that. He had acted a bit weird afterwards anyway though, not being too intimate.
Harry suddenly interrupted my thoughts.
“Hey, is it okay that I call Paul to ask if he can meet us at the airport?” At first I just gave him a weird look. Why the hell couldn’t he walk me inside the airport himself? “I just got a text from Louis saying that there’s a rumor going around on twitter about me going to the airport today, I don’t have any idea how they found out!” He almost seemed a bit frustrated. I knew he loved their fans more than anything, but sometimes people needed a bit privacy.
“Don’t worry about it, you don’t have to walk me inside, I’ll be fine on my own. We’ll just make a huge chaos and stuff”.
“Nahh.. I don’t care! It doesn’t matter that we cause a bit hysteria, because I just want to be with you as long as I possibly can” he smiled his cheeky smile before he picked up his phone and called Paul.
“I want to be with you as long as I possibly can, too” I whispered and almost added ‘actually I want to be with you 24/7 and I don’t know what to with my life without you’, but I managed to keep it to myself. I didn’t want him to think I was weak, I could survive through this relationship too. I’d never been weak. Or at least not until I met Harry, he’d brought out something inside of me that I wasn’t even aware that existed.

We arrived at the airport 30 minutes later and Louis had been right. Around two hundred teenage girls had showed up at the airport, hoping to catch a glimpse of Harry.
Luckily Paul was an incredible security guard and he managed to keep the crazy fans away from us. Some other security guards had even put up some fences to control the screaming fans. I felt like a spoiled brat; all these people had to make such an effort just for me and Harry to spend a little more time together. Harry obviously noticed the look on my face, because he put an arm around my shoulder and whispered into my ear.
“Don’t worry, babe” and the he faced me and took my hands in his. “Now kiss me..”. I was a bit surprised he wanted me to kiss him in such a public place. All the fans here would get their hearts ripped out.
“Are you sure?” I whispered back. “There are quite a lot of people here.. think about your fans”.
“You’re my girlfriend and if the fans can’t handle that, that’s their problem and not mine” he whispered back and then he leaned towards me, his lips met mine. As we stood there making out, the crowd suddenly got almost completely quiet. When Harry and I pulled away from each other, there wasn’t a single girl in the entire room who wasn’t staring at us. The looks on their faces were indescribable, like someone they knew had just died or something. I felt so bad, but I was just being with the boy I loved. This was going to be harder than I’d thought.

chapter 22

Mon, 07 May 2012 10:31:31 -0400

When I stood there on the roof of Murano, under the starry sky, making out with the boy of my dreams, I realized how true it was, what I’d just told him. I had everything a girl could ever dream about and I was perfectly happy. There was only one thing that I feared in this relationship now; the distance. The thought about going home tomorrow and leaving Harry behind was unbearable. I tried to push the thought away, even though it came closer and closer every second.

—

When I woke up in my hotel room the next morning, the sun was shining brightly through the curtains and lit up the entire room. One of the boys’ drivers had driven me all the way back to the hotel last night and I hadn’t gone to bed before 3 AM, so I really deserved to sleep in today. I had to check out of the hotel before 3 PM, but my plane didn’t leave until 9. Luckily I had an amazing boyfriend who’d offered me to stay at his flat until my plane left and I’d happily accepted his offer right away.
When I looked over at the clock on my nightstand I realized I just had an hour before Harry was picking me up. Shit, I had to hurry. I took a quick shower before I threw on some jeans and a tank top and put my hair up in a ponytail. Quite a contrast from yesterday’s beautiful dress, though. I just hoped that Harry wouldn’t get too disappointed. Okay, I’d actually stopped worrying about what he thought about how I looked. I mean, obviously some weird demon had interrupted his brain and told him that he was going to like me, no matter what I looked like. I could help but smile at the thought.

An hour later I was done checking out of the hotel and I was standing by the hotel stairs with my suitcase. It was 3:15 and Harry hadn’t showed up yet. I was getting a bit worried he wouldn’t show up at all, because he was usually on time. Maybe he’d forgot? Or maybe he was still asleep? Or maybe he’d been so drunk when he told me that he would pick me up, that he didn’t remember it today? I was just about to pick up my phone and call him when I noticed someone in car nearby, staring at me. The person, most likely a guy, was wearing a purple hood and dark sunglasses, so it was hard to see his face. His staring was starting to creep me out and I was about to walk away, when he rolled down the window.
“Psst Susann, it’s me. Come on, get in the car!” I still didn’t recognize the face, but I recognized the husky voice right away. I walked over to the car, put my suitcase in the trunk and sat down in the passenger seat next to him.
It wasn’t until we’d driven out of the most crowded streets that he pulled his hood down, took the sunglasses off and leaned over to kiss me.
“Hi sweetheart” his two dimples made two small holes in his cheeks when he smiled at me. “I’m sorry about that, but I was a bit worried about paparazzies, so I figured I would try to keep a low profile.”
“Ah, you should have told me.. I could have found another way to get to your place, so that you wouldn’t have to stress with all of that”.
“Absolutely not. There’s nothing I want more than to stress a bit to pick up my beautiful girlfriend” he took my hand and held it in his, while he was holding the steering wheel with the other one, not letting go of me before we arrived at his place.

Castle was the first thing that hit my mind. Okay, it wasn’t really a castle, but the boys’ complex wasn’t too far away. They didn’t live together, but they had a flat each and lived in the same complex. Or at least none of the others lived together, but Harry lived with Louis. Which I found quite cute.
“Oh my God!” Was the only three words that slipped out of my mouth as I stepped out of the car.
“Hey chill, it’s not that incredible.. it just looks a bit castle ish from the outside” Harry laughed and we walked towards the main entrance. I just left my suitcase in his car, because he’d already demanded to drive me to the airport as well.

We took the lift up to Harry and Louis’ flat and as I walked inside, I couldn’t help but stare. The living room was almost bigger than our entire house. Everything was really modern, with an enormous black couch along one of the walls, a huge TV and a beautiful chandelier dangling from the roof. The only thing that proved that royalty wasn’t living there, was the fact that there were pizza leftovers on the table and some other mess lying on the floor.
“If this isn’t incredible, I don’t know what it is…” I murmured as I looked around. Harry just smiled. Then he noticed the mess on the table and hurried to clean it up.
“Ah, damn it… Louis never cleans up after himself!”
“Where is he anyway?” I asked him.
“He’s hopefully out with El… I kind of threatened him to stay away, so that I could spend some quality time with you”. Harry grinned cheekily at me. The thought of having the entire flat alone with him, gave me butterflies in my stomach. No interruptions, just me and him.
When Harry was done cleaning up, he looked over at me.
“Sooo, what do you want to do, sweetheart?”
“I don’t know..” I answered “you can decide, since this is your last night with me in a while”.
“Well, it’s your last night with me in a while as well, moron…” he teased “but okay, let’s just chill and watch a movie or something? I’m still a bit exhausted from last night..”.
“Yeah sure, but on one condition!” I raised an eyebrow “I’ll pick the movie”.
“Oh nooo, this means we’ll end up watching some hardcore action movie, doesn’t it? Or a football documentary?” I couldn’t help but laugh at his horrified look.
“Hahah, don’t worry.. I was thinking “The Notebook”, is that okay?” This seemed to light Harry up a bit and he capture me in his arms.
“Oh my God, did I happen to mention I love you?”

A couple of hours later I was lying on the couch, wrapped up under a blanket in Harry’s arms, chewing popcorn. Even though I loved romantic movies, I wasn’t really the one who cried like a little baby. Harry on the other hand, was fighting like a brave warrior, to keep his tears back. As the credits started running over the screen, I turned around and wiped a single tear away from his cheek, before I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. He was obviously in his good mood, because he happily returned the kiss as he lied me down on the couch. We started making out pretty harsh and he was holding a tight grip around my head. Suddenly he started running his fingers down my body and then gently he pulled my tank top over my head while kissing my stomach. It wasn’t until he unhooked my bra, that I realized what he was doing.

chapter 21

Sat, 05 May 2012 06:18:51 -0400

The entire evening went by just perfectly fine and I got along really well with everyone; the boys, their families and girlfriends. I was just going to the ladies room when I noticed someone behind me.
“Susann wait, I need to talk to you..”

—

I turned around and Niall came walking towards me.
“What do you want, Niall?” I asked and was tempted to just walk away from him, but I figured he deserved a chance. He seemed relieved that I actually stopped to listen. He cleared his throat before he started talking.
“Look, I’m really sorry about what happened last night.. I thought it was really over between you and Harry, and when you asked if I wanted to hang out, I just got a bit caught in the moment. It was still really stupid, though.. Even if you had broken up, I shouldn’t go after my best friend’s ex…” he would have kept going on if I hadn’t stopped him.
“Hey Niall, don’t worry… it’s okay”. He looked so devastated that I didn’t have the heart to let him continue. I now understood how sorry he was.
“It wasn’t just your fault, I was really upset and I might have given you some confusing signals..” I’d been really mad at Niall for both kissing me and lying about Harry right into my face, but I couldn’t be mad at him forever. He was seriously like a little puppy. Or one of those Furby toys I had as a kid. I wasn’t sure.
“I still should have thought before I acted, though..” he murmured and glared down.
“Hey, let’s just forget about it, okay? Let’s just start over?” I smiled at him “as friends”. First he just looked at me and I was a bit worried that he wouldn’t forgive himself just yet, but then he nodded.
“Oh, thank you.. I’ve been thinking about this too much for the past 24 hours. I’d love to start over”.
“Great” I grinned and was about to turn around walk into the ladies room when a thought hit my mind. I took Niall’s arm and drew him closer.
“Harry can’t know about this, okay?” I whispered with a serious look on my face. “I know we were fighting and stuff, but still… you know”.
“I won’t tell him, I promise. You have to choose whether you want to tell him or not yourself.” I was relieved that Niall wouldn’t tell Harry, but I still had this awful feeling inside that he deserved to know. Well, not yet. I couldn’t handle any more drama for a while.

The rest of the evening I spent talking with Harry’s sister Gemma, Louis girlfriend Eleanor and Liam’s girlfriend Danielle. They were all a few years older than me, but they treated me like one of them and we got along really well. I felt a bit lost when they started to talk about shoes and designers, though, so I just sat there like a moron and acted like I knew exactly what they were talking about. Harry must have recognized that I looked like a lost puppy, because he came over.
“Do you want to dance, baby?” He whispered into my ear. I turned towards him and raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t think I’ve told you yet, but you probably should’ve guessed by now that dancing isn’t one of my strongest traits.”
“Ah, come on… you can’t be that bad, football girl” he laughed cheekily.
“No, I’m not that bad…” I laughed back “I’m even worse than that”.
“Fineee, you moron” Harry answered friendly “but at least you’ll have to come to the roof with me. It’s beautiful up there!”
“Sounds like you’ve taken someone special up there before?” I just had to ask.
“Yup, I have…” he admitted and I raised an eyebrow. “Louis….” He continued and I couldn’t help but laugh. Of course it had to be Louis. I got up, excused myself from the other girls and followed Harry.

We went to the back of the restaurant, through a door and upstairs. The gaze that met us at the top of the stairs was almost breathtaking. It was already past 12 AM, so it was in the middle of the night. It was a clear night and the stars were shining brightly in the dark sky. This sounded so cheesy, but it was also completely true.
“Wow, this is incredible!” I continued looking around. Harry reached for my hand and squeezed it.
“I know right. I’ve always wanted to take my special girl here, but I haven’t found her until now.” The way he said ‘my special girl’ made my heart skip a beat.
“Guess you’ve done something right then” I teased and ruffled his smooth curls. I was just about to lean forward and kiss him, when he looked up and pointed into the sky.
“Wow, look!” He almost screamed out of excitement. How cute. I looked towards the place in the sky where he was pointing and I just managed to catch a glimpse of a shooting star. “Make sure you wish for something special then” Harry winked at me. Wish? Wait, a wish? What was I supposed to wish for?
“Uuum, you know what?..” I said after a dramatic pause “I don’t wish for anything at all. Because right now I’ve got everything that any girl could ever dream about and I don’t want to change a single thing.” I barely got to finish the sentence before Harry’s lips met mine and my last words drowned in his perfect lips.
When I stood there on the roof of Murano, under the starry sky, making out with the boy of my dreams, I realized how true it was, what I’d just told him. I had everything a girl could ever dream about and I was perfectly happy. There was only one thing that I feared in this relationship now; the distance. The thought about going home tomorrow and leaving Harry behind was unbearable. I tried to push the thought away, even though it came closer and closer every second.

chapter 20

Thu, 03 May 2012 08:37:00 -0400

Even though I was really angry at Niall for lying right into face, I was really glad that Harry had been drunk, because that meant that nothing in the pictures was real. When I realized this I almost threw myself at Harry and kissed him. He leant over me and returned the kiss eagerly.
“I’ve really missed this..” he whispered into my ear and I giggled.

—

“So anyway, congrats with an amazing performance!” I bursted out and smiled at Harry “how does it feel?” I probably could have hit him in the stomach and got the same expression. He looked devastated.
“I.. It was horrible, wasn’t it? I can’t believe I managed to mess up our very first live performance..”. Tears started to build up in his eyes.
“No Harry, you’re so wrong! You’re probably the only one who thinks that.”
“Well, I’m not so sure about that…” he murmured and shot a gaze over at his iPhone that was lying on the table.
“Wait, what? People have been talking shit about you?” I asked angrily and reached for his phone.
On twitter he’d typed in “Harry shit” and loads of tweets about how much the performance had sucked streamed in all the time.
“Harry, why did you search for this?” I tried to meet his green eyes, but he just looked away.
“I don’t know.. it’s ridiculous. I guess I’m just kind of looking for comments to make sure that I’m right about being bad…” I could see that Harry was really hurt and that these comments had really affected him. I took his hand and clenched it softly.
“You know that those people are just jealous of you, right? And when you search for things like that, you only fine the negative comments. Just imagine how many thousands of fans who’re out there, being incredibly proud of you right now, because you did an amazing job. But you won’t find those comments when you type in ‘Harry shit’”. I stroke a tear away from his cheek.
“I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who don’t really care about what people think about them…” Harry took a deep breath and tried to collect himself before he continued. “but I just… I just don’t think I am..”.

I was speechless. Nothing I said would make any difference anyway, so instead I just let him lay his head in my lap. While he cried a little more I ran my fingers through his soft curls.
After about 10 minutes he started to calm down and his breath went so slow I was almost convinced that he’d fell asleep. I was just about to shake his head when the four other boys bursted inside the room without even knocking.
“We’re heading out to celebrate with dinner and stuff. Are you guys done making out now?” Louis teased, before he noticed the look on Harry’s face. It was obvious that he immediately understood why he was upset, because he came over to the couch right away and lay a hand on Harry’s shoulder.
“Hey, you did amazing, man! Don’t worry about it.” Louis twittered happily.
“Yes, you nailed it, Hazza!” Liam assured him while the two other boys nodded in agreement. Even though Harry was really down, the boys seemed to light him up a bit and something that looked like a smile started to build up in his tired face. He looked over at me.
“Do you want to join us, Susann?” He asked. “You have to meet my family and stuff.”
“Yeah, of course” I smiled and took his hand. It was a bit awkward how Harry and I had been dating for almost a month now and still I hadn’t met his family. The thought of meeting them made me a bit nervous and I mostly wanted to run away and hide, but I gritted my teeth together and stayed. I’d already ruined enough between me and Harry, so I wasn’t going to ruin even more by being a major coward.

We got ready and went outside to find two black cars with tinted windows waiting for us. We split into two groups, and me and Harry joined Louis and his girlfriend, Eleanor, in one of the cars. She was beautiful. Long skinny legs, perfect brown wavy hair and she was modeling for Hollister. I’d expected her to be really shallow, but she was actually really nice and we got along right away. Harry held my hand through the entire trip and when we arrived at Murano restaurant 15 minutes, he whispered into my ear.
“Don’t be nervous about meeting my family. Just be yourself, I’m sure they’ll love you almost as much as I do!” He laughed and I smiled back at him. Even though I hadn’t told him I was nervous about meeting his family, he’d noticed that I’d been a bit stiff. Now I suddenly relaxed a bit more.

We walked out of the car and a bunch of paparazzies surrounded us, taking pictures, screaming and asking the boys questions.
“Don’t let go of my hand” Harry whispered and he posed for a few pictures and answered some questions, before we walked inside Murano. When we entered the restaurant I suddenly felt really underdressed, because it was so fancy I barely dared to touch anything at all. The tables were perfectly laid with luxurious plates and cutlery.
We met Harry’s mom, stepdad and sister as soon as we got inside. They walked up to us immediately and congratulated Harry with the performance, before they turned their attention to me.
“Hi, you must be Susann? I’ve heard so much about you!” His mom said nicely with a big smile on her face. “It’s lovely to finally meet you, I’m Anne” she introduced herself and shook my hand.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, too” I shook her hand back. His stepdad introduced himself as Robin and his older sister as Gemma. I realized that I didn’t have anything to worry about, because they were all extremely friendly towards me.
The entire evening went by just perfectly fine and I got along really well with everyone; the boys, their families and girlfriends. I was just going to the ladies room when I noticed someone behind me.
“Susann wait, I need to talk to you..”

chapter 19

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 14:02:43 -0400

Maybe it was just me? Maybe Harry wasn’t unsatisfied at all. I’d almost convinced myself that I was just imagining this when I heard someone whisper behind me.
“He was probably so nervous because of this girl who is being a total bitch to him. Susann or whatever she’s called, the girl he tweeted about. I bet it’s her fault Harry’s feeling so miserable right now”.

—

When the show was over, I didn’t really have any idea what to do. Before I got the time to do anything at all, I bumped into Paul again and he offered to take me backstage. Perfect! I had to talk to Harry, no matter if I wanted to or not. Therefore I silently followed Paul through some doors and corridors, before we ran into Louis, Zayn, Niall and Liam. I congratulated them all with the great performance and they all seemed surprised to see me. Except Niall of course, who just looked in another direction.
“Wait, what are you doing here? Harry said you couldn’t “make it”?” Louis asked me with an inquiring look, and I could hear his sarcasm when he said “make it”. Louis and Harry were really close and talked about absolutely anything, so I wasn’t surprised he’d told him about our fight.
“UUuum.. well, I made it in the last minute” I said and sent him a warning look. “Harry doesn’t know I’m here, does he?”
“Well, we didn’t even know, so I doubt he knows either, unless you’ve told him?” Liam asked politely.
“No, I didn’t tell him” I answered and glared over at Niall, who acted all innocent.
“It was so stressful before the show, that I didn’t get time to tell him” Paul shrugged. “He’s in his dressing room” he told me and pointed towards a door down the corridor.

I walked towards the door and knocked it carefully three times. No response. I knocked three more times and when no one answered this time either, I opened the door silently.
“Harry, are you here?” I coughed uncomfortable and looked around.
“I’m here” a tearful voice answered me from the couch in the back of the room. As I walked up to him, he turned around in the couch and noticed who it was. His eyes were red from crying and he hurried to whip the tears away with his sleeve. Then he stood up.
“Susann, what are you doing here?” A mixture of a smile and a confused look spread across his face. He kept on staring at me with an admiring look. “Wow, you look incredible tonight! I could barely notice you.” I explained that I’d gone to London because I didn’t want to waste my plane tickets and that I’d seen his tweets and DM’s.
“So my tweeting worked?” He smiled goofily through the tears.
“Yes, I’m sorry I didn’t call you right away” I murmured, feeling a bit guilty and embraced him.
“It’s okay, but we need to talk” when he pulled away from me, I took his arm and draw him towards the couch. We sat down and faced each other, not too close. I understood that he took distance on purpose because he didn’t want me to feel pressured.

“So Pixie Lott, huh?” He asked and raised an eyebrow. As soon as he said it, I realized how much I’d overreacted.
“Yeah, I’d had a tough time at school and almost lost my friends, and then I saw that picture of you with her from that party…” I murmured a bit embarrassed. “I probably overreacted, though… but right then it just seemed so realistic, because I’m just a random girl from Cheshire. I’m not pretty, I’m not fit, I don’t have an amazing talent and I’m not famous..” When I said this, I suddenly started sobbing. Ever since I’d seen the picture of Harry with Pixie Lott I’d put a stone mask on my face and just acted like I was angry. And I’d been extremely angry as well, but now I realized how hurt I’d been too. All my feelings came out at the same time and of course, as they always seemed like doing, they came out when I was around Harry.
Now he moved closer to me and put an arm around my shoulder.
“Your confidence sucks, did you know that, honey?” He smiled at me. “You have to believe me when I tell you how beautiful and amazing you are.” I smiled a bit through my tears as well. I’d never had a really bad confidence, but around Harry it seemed to run away. Him liking me for being just me still seemed so surreal.

“And all that stuff about Pixie Lott; I’m definitely not dating her, because you’re my girlfriend and I love you. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit this, but I was quite drunk at that party. And I’m not even allowed to drink yet…” He laughed a bit and looked down. Wait what? He’d been drunk? I was almost about to burst out about Niall telling me that he’d been completely sober the entire time, when I realized that Harry didn’t know about our little meeting at Nando’s and hanging out afterwards. I couldn’t believe Niall had lied to me and told me that Harry had been sober. Okay, I actually could believe it… Harry obviously hadn’t noticed that I was totally lost in my own thoughts, so he continued talking.
“Anyway.. I can barely remember talking to her at that party at all.” Even though I was really angry at Niall for lying right into face, I was really glad that Harry had been drunk, because that meant that nothing in the pictures was real. When I realized this I almost threw myself at Harry and kissed him. He leant over me and returned the kiss eagerly.
“I’ve really missed this..” he whispered into my ear and I giggled.

chapter 18

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 11:07:55 -0400

I found my straightener and used it to curl my long hair. I’d never done this myself before, but Ane loved to curl my hair because it was so long and straight, so I’d watched her do it sometimes. When I was done, I put on some makeup and even a little bit of light pink lipstick. I was officially ready to face Harry on the outside, but on the inside on the other hand, I wasn’t quite as sure..

—

I grabbed the only purse I owned, my phone and some money before I left the hotel room and found a cab outside. While the cab was driving me to Wembley Arena, I noticed that Niall had answered my text.
“Yeah, sure. Paul will meet you outside at 6:40.” Well, then I had 10 minutes left until I was meeting him.
When I arrived at the arena 10 minutes later, I spotted Paul by the main entrance right away. A lot of teenage girls stared with jealous looks, when he walked up to me and greeted me with a big smile on his face. So they were obviously jealous of me talking to One Direction’s manager – I was so glad they didn’t know if was Susann from Harry’s tweeting last night, because then I probably would have been dead by now.
“Hey Susann, it’s good to see you again. You’re looking nice tonight!” Paul complemented me.
“Aw, thanks Paul!” I blushed and looked down at my shoes; I always got so awkward when people complimented me.
“Harry will be so glad to see you. I think he’ll really appreciate your support tonight!” Harry obviously hadn’t told Paul about us fighting and stuff, because he seemed unaware. Still he had a really weird look on his face, like something wasn’t completely right.
“Is there anything wrong?” I asked him with a concerned look on my face.
“Noo, not at all. The boys are just really excited about this performance and Harry is a bit nervous about his solo…” he shrugged “but it’ll be alright”. I wasn’t fully convinced, but I nodded and put on a fake smile.

I got my ticket and went inside to find my seat. Even though I’d been in London on my own for more than 24 hours now, I’d never felt more alone than I did right now. I was surrounded by thousands of people I didn’t know, mostly obsessed One Direction fans, who were screaming like crazy, even though the boys hadn’t even come on stage yet. After what I’d heard, they weren’t going to perform before at the end of the show.
When it was 7 PM the show started and the audience got silent. To be honest I hadn’t really watched the show a lot, so it just sat there for 45 minutes, staring out in the air, thinking.

“And we’ll be right back after the break with One Direction” the hosts announced and the crowd went nuts again. I could feel the butterflies starting to build up in my stomach as well and I almost felt sick. I didn’t know how stuff was between me and Harry right now, but I was still excited for him. Or actually for all of them. This was their first ever live performance with their debut single. Sure they’d been performing live when they were on The X-Factor last year, but this was their work, not just another cover of someone else’s song.

When the show got back on, the crowd started to cheer again and one of the hosts tried to calm them down.
“They’re supposed to be here to perform What Makes You Beautiful, their single, but they’re not… does anyone know what’s happened to One Direction?” He looked confused over at the other host. I knew this was just a prank, because Niall had revealed a bit for me last night. “Apparently they’re still on the tube..” he said and finally their song started playing and a video of the boys started rolling on the screen. It was the boys singing on a tube surrounded by fans who were dancing and singing along. Suddenly the tube stopped and the boys all got out and started running down the street followed by the fans. The fans chased them all the way down to Wembley arena, where they went backstage and got ready go on stage.

When it was time for the last chorus of the song, the boys finally came running out on stage, followed by all the screaming fans. The started singing while jumping up and down and they all seemed really excited about the performance. I had to say the whole concept with the entire performance was quite genius. Everything from them singing in the tube, then getting chased down by fans and in the end running out on stage here at Wembley. My heart started beating faster as I realized it was time for Harry’s solo. The music slowed down, the audience went quiet and a spotlight hit him. Even though I hadn’t seen One Direction live a lot, I understood that something went a bit wrong. Harry’s voice was trembling and I could barely hear his voice. Before the last words he took a deep breath and Niall patted his shoulder.
From then and until the entire show was over, Harry had a weird look on his face. I couldn’t really brag about knowing him too well or anything, but even I could see that he looked miserable. The performance had been absolutely amazing and the crowd had loved it, but he didn’t seem too happy about it. His solo hadn’t been a hundred percent perfect, I could admit that, but it was far away from bad and it was completely normal to be nervous in such circumstances. Maybe it was just me? Maybe Harry wasn’t unsatisfied at all. I’d almost convinced myself that I was just imagining this when I heard someone whisper behind me.
“He was probably so nervous because of this girl who is being a total bitch to him. Susann or whatever she’s called, the girl he tweeted about. I bet it’s her fault Harry’s feeling so miserable right now”.

chapter 17

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 13:21:10 -0400

I was just done drying my hair, and I lay down on the bed to check my twitter before I went to sleep. To be honest, I wasn’t really into this whole twitter thing, but my friends had forced me into making an account and after I met Harry I’d been using it a bit more often as well. He and the rest of the band were totally addicted and they used their twitters to keep in touch with all the fans. I was just scrolling through my timeline when the trends caught my attention. What the heck!? Was the first thought that hit my mind. In the list of trends two names shone towards me, “Harry and Susann” was trending #1 worldwide.

—

“Harry and Susann”? Whaaaat? Like me Susann? I hurried to click on the trend and a lot of tweets showed up on my screen. People tweeting like “Susann, please forgive Harry”, “Harry and Susann are probably the cutest couple ever”, “as long as Harry is happy, I’m happy” and plenty of other surreal stuff. All these tweets made me even more confused, so I figured I should check Harry’s profile, to see what was going on.
A long text separated into three tweets caught my attention as soon as I entered his account.
“Susann, please forgive me. We’ve had some misunderstandings and I need to talk to you. You’re the best person I’ve ever met and I can’t lose you because of this. I don’t know what to do without you in my life. If you see this, please check your DM’s. I love you so much x.”

I just glared at my computer screen for a while, reading the tweets over and over and over again. Maybe I was dreaming? Or maybe I was so tired I was starting to hallucinate? But no, I was awake for sure.
“.. please check your DM’s..” Oh my DM’s? I had to check my DM’s. I hurried to click in and a direct message from Harry was waiting. I took a deep breath before I started reading.
“Susann, I don’t know what’s going on. We’ve obviously had some misunderstandings and I need to talk to you. If this is about Pixie Lott; I’ve never had an affair with her and I never will. I can explain everything to you, but then you have to pick up your phone, because I want to talk to you instead of just writing everything down on here.
I’m sorry I had to go through twitter to get to you and that everyone kind of knows about us now, but you left me no choice. I love you and I can’t lose you, please call me as soon as you see this x.”

This message left me even more speechless. I stared at the screen for another five minutes before I shut the computer and lay back down in the bed. Millions of thoughts were drifting through my head and I kept on turning around in the huge bed. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t even know what to feel about this. Was this message from Harry going to make me change my mind about him? Would talking to him make me change my mind? Would I see things differently? All these questions kept on running through my mind and after a couple of hours I drifted into a restless sleep.

The next morning I woke up all sweaty and breathless. I’d had a terrible nightmare. Niall had suddenly showed up in my room and started kissing me again and there was nothing I could do to stop him. It was like I was frozen in my own body. It wasn’t like I was scared of Niall or anything, but what happened last night had obviously affected me a bit. I shoke the dream out of my head, got out of my bed, threw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie and walked downstairs to get some breakfast.
I was too confused and upset to eat much, so I ended up stirring around in my cereal bowl with a spoon for half an hour. After I was done stirring, I went back upstairs to my hotel room and watched TV for hours, like I didn’t have a care in the world. Today I was actually supposed to go shopping for some new clothes, but I wasn’t really in the mood. I was almost about to fall asleep when One Direction’s single, “What Makes You Beautiful”, came on MTV and I sat up in bed.

Damn it, there he was. Harry Styles, the one and only. Mr. Handsome, the one and only. And not to forget Mr. Used to be mine, the one and only. Suddenly an urge to see him, hit me. I still had time to make this right or at least I had time to let him explain. It was 5 PM, so there were still a couple of hours left until the Red Or Black show started. I jumped out of bed and ran towards my suitcase, shoveling through my clothes. I didn’t have a freakin thing to wear! The only clothes I’d brought were stuff like hoodies, flannel shirts and jumpers. I ended up finding my wallet in my bag and almost sprinted out of the hotel room, I had to find something to wear as fast as possible. While running down the stairs I picked up my phone and texted Niall. “Hey, can I still have free ticket for tonight?:)”. I could have called him, but thinking back to how awkward stuff ended the night before, I figured texting him was a better choice.

One hour later I was back in my hotel room with a couple of shopping bags and a shoebox. I was so glad my mom had given me money to go shopping, because I hated spending my own money on such things. I took a shower and put my new clothes on. It was a midnight blue dress in a soft silky fabric, that went to right above my knee. The shoes I’d bought were simple black pumps. I was so glad my mom had forced me into wearing high heels at her and my dad’s wedding last year, because then I had at least some practice when it came to walking in them. When I was done putting the dress and shoes on, I looked at my reflection in the mirror.
I caught myself admiring the result for a few seconds. The dress, that the woman at the store had helped me pick out, was beautiful and even though I hated wearing dresses, I had to say it looked nice. It was sparkling a bit in the dim light of the hotel room. The shoes fit perfectly and they made my usual football legs look both longer and skinnier. I found my straightener and used it to curl my long hair. I’d never done this myself before, but Ane loved to curl my hair because it was so long and straight, so I’d watched her do it sometimes. When I was done, I put on some makeup and even a little bit of light pink lipstick. I was officially ready to face Harry on the outside, but on the inside on the other hand, I wasn’t quite as sure..

chapter 16

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 15:10:26 -0400

“Was Harry sober on that party or not?” I had a little hope that he’d been so drunk he couldn’t even control what he was doing. Niall took a long pause before he answered my question.
“Yes… he was completely sober” he had a weird look on his face when he gave me the answer. It was like he was trying to hide something, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.

—

We’d both gotten really lost in our own thoughts and the whole situation felt kind of sad, so I figured I should try to light both him and myself up a bit.
“So, now that I’m all alone here in London, I haven’t really got any plans. Would you fancy hanging out with me for a couple of hours?” I fluttered with my eyelashes in a teasing way. “Just if you don’t have any important work to do, though”. Sometimes I almost forgot that Niall was in a band, because he seemed so carefree and grounded.
He seemed to like my idea, because he said yes right away.
“I can’t hang out too late, though, because we’ve got a very important show tomorrow.” Damn it, I’d almost forgot that. One Direction were going to perform their debut single “What Makes You Beautiful” live for the first time ever, on the TV show Red Or Black. That was one of the main reasons me and Harry had decided that this weekend was perfect for me to come for a visit, because then I could come and watch them perform.

Niall and I went outside and we decided to go sightseeing, because even though I’d been in London a lot, he knew the city better than I did. The time just flew by and I hadn’t laughed this much in what felt like forever. We just walked around the city, ate ice cream and fooled around for hours. We even got stalked by some fans, so after Niall had posed for some pictures and signed their stuff, we had to sneak through a few alleys to get rid of them. All the times I spent with Niall made me realize how much I missed spending time with a guy. I mean, not like a boyfriend guy, but like a buddy. The past weeks had been so messed up and stressful, I’d barely had time to spend with my guy friends and I hadn’t really cleared up things with Nick yet either. Niall was definitely the type of guy that I would be friends with and he seemed to enjoy hanging out with me as well.

We were just messing around in Hyde Park, playing football, when Niall checked his phone.
“Oh shit, it’s almost 11 PM! I have to get back to my apartment or else Paul will kill me if I’m tired tomorrow.”
“Well, then you’ll have to go right away, because if he kills you, it will be my fault!” I laughed and we started walking back towards Oxford Street.
“I’m such a gentleman, so I’ll follow you back to your hotel, though” I offered and I didn’t deny, because I wasn’t a hundred percent sure of the way back to the hotel. We just continued chatting while we walked and within a few minutes we were standing by the stairs at my hotel.
“So thank you for spending some of your precious time with me today” I bantered, knowing he wouldn’t take it personal.
“Hahah.. well, I actually had a really great time! So thanks for hanging out with me, too” he smiled at me and then he added “umm and yeah, I know stuff have been really tough between you and Harry lately, but your invitation to the Red Or Black show tomorrow still stands, I guess. If you figure out you want to go anyway”. I told him I wasn’t fully sure yet, but that I would think about it and he gave me his phone number so that I could call him if I needed someone to get me in for free.

“Goodbye, see ya” I said and was about to turn around and walk up the stairs to the hotel, when he took my arm and drew me back.
“That’s not a real goodbye” he whispered and kissed me carefully on the lips. At first I was so caught by surprise I just stood there like a moron, but when I realized what he was doing I pulled back immediately.
“No… Niall.. I can’t… it’s not like that..” I stuttered. Damn it, why did my life have to be such a mess right now?
“I.. I’m sorry.. I didn’t think through that..” he murmured and his cheeks went red. “Just forget about it.. this never happened. See ya”. Then he turned around and almost sprinted away, without even looking back. I just stood there with my jaw on my knees for a few minutes, until people started staring and I pulled myself together and walked inside the hotel.

When I got to the hotel room I had to clear my head, so I stripped all my clothes off and went straight into the shower. With the water streaming down my body, I started thinking. What the hell was going on in my life right now? I’d gone here to get a break from everything, not to make it an even bigger mess. I still kind of had feelings for Harry, though, and I just considered Niall a friend. If I knew he thought differently about us, I wouldn’t have asked him to hang out with me in the first place. Maybe I should just pack my stuff and go home right away? Of course I couldn’t, it was almost 12 AM. At least I had to wait until the morning and reconsider it then.
I was just done drying my hair, and I lay down on the bed to check my twitter before I went to sleep. To be honest, I wasn’t really into this whole twitter thing, but my friends had forced me into making an account and after I met Harry I’d been using it a bit more often as well. He and the rest of the band were totally addicted and they used their twitters to keep in touch with all the fans. I was just scrolling through my timeline when the trends caught my attention. What the heck!? Was the first thought that hit my mind. In the list of trends two names shone towards me, “Harry and Susann” was trending #1 worldwide.

chapter 15

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 12:33:00 -0400

“He hasn’t broken up with you yet, has he?” Ida asked, almost in shock. I couldn’t manage to speak, so I just shook my head. I couldn’t believe I’d fell for his games. I should have known this from the very start; that he was just another teenage boy who was playing with any girl he could find and then moved on to the next one on the list. Our long talks, kissing and goodbyes had just been a part of his little game all along.

—

What any other girl would have done, would have been to confront him about it right away. Well, too bad I wasn’t any other girl. I definitely wasn’t like that, I was a little coward. Therefore I decided to avoid Harry instead. I deleted all the texts I’d ever gotten from him, I deleted his number from my phone and I tried to act like this had never even happened. Whenever he called or texted me, I just completely ignored him. Really childish and unprofessional, I know, but this was my best way to handle it.

“What do you mean I can’t return the plane tickets and get my money back?” I was on the phone with a woman from the airline, trying to get my money back.
“I’m sorry, but it’s too late. If you’d called a bit sooner, we could have done something about it” she answered in a sweet voice. Damn it, I wasn’t in mood for this right now. Why hadn’t I done this earlier? I’d honestly tried to avoid thinking about Harry as much as possible, so I’d almost forgotten about the plane tickets I’d got for this weekend. And now I couldn’t get my money back either, so that was great.
After some discussion, my mom and I decided that I needed a little break from all this anyway and that I was old enough to go to London alone. Not to visit Harry, but to get a break from home, go shopping (not my favorite thing to do, though, but very necessary), go see a football match and just chill. I didn’t want to waste the money I’d paid for the plane ticket, just because Harry was a dick, so why not?

So when Friday the 9^th of September came, my mom drove me to the airport and I was ready for a London trip on my own. I could have brought Ane and Ida with me, though, but they were both busy this weekend and I honestly needed some time to myself anyway.
When I arrived at Heathrow I took the underground into Oxford Street and booked in at a hotel nearby. I was glad I’d been in London so many times, because it was quite big here compared to Cheshire. When I’d put my suitcase in my room, I figured I needed some food, so I went straight to Nando’s right down the street. I was waiting for my food when my phone started calling and I picked it up from my pocket. As I’d suspected, it was Harry. I had deleted his number more than a week ago, but I couldn’t help but noticing his number, because he’d been calling me nonstop for the past days. It was starting to annoy me a lot, so I decided to pick up.
“What?” I almost shouted into my phone.
“Susann, what’s happened? Why have you been avoiding me for the past week?” Even though I hated him so freakin bad, my heart skipped a beat when I heard his voice. I almost bursted into tears, but I managed to keep myself together.
“What’s happened? What’s happened is that I actually bought your stupid games and that I actually believed you liked me.”
“But..” he sounded confused, but I didn’t bother to listen to more of his lies, so I just broke him off.
“You should be more careful next time. Would be a shame if Pixie saw through your cards as well, wouldn’t it?” I hung up on him before he got the time to answer and all the people on the closest tables stared at me like freaks. I was kind of getting used to staring now, so I just looked down and started eating my chicken that had arrived while I was on the phone. I was almost done eating my food when a familiar voice called my name.

“Susann, is that you?” I turned around and spotted a blonde haired guy with a huge grin on his face.
“Wow, hey Niall!” I couldn’t help but return his smile. Even though Harry had been a total bitch to me, I didn’t have a reason to be angry with his band mate Niall. He sat down at the chair across me and looked down at my food with an eager look on his face.
“Are you done with that?” I couldn’t help but laugh at his puppy eyes. He was obviously as much into food as Harry had told me.
“Yup, I can’t take another bite.” I pushed my plate towards him and he started eating the rest of my pommes frites without hesitating. He kept quiet until the plate was completely clean for food and he wiped his mouth with a napkin.
“Thank you” he smiled and patted his stomach satisfied. “So I’ll go straight to the point, what the hell is going on between you and Harry?” I’d honestly hoped he would avoid that topic, but of course I understood that he was curious. I mean, I was in London but I had been ignoring the person I was supposed to visit for the past week.

I started telling him about the whole drama at school and then that I had figured out that Harry had just been fooling me all along, and that he’d seemed to have a great time with Pixie Lott at that party. At first Niall looked very shocked and then it seemed like he knew what I was talking about. When I was done telling him about why I’d gone to London anyway, he seemed lost in his own thoughts, so I just kept quiet.
“I.. I don’t really know what to say about this” Niall said after a little while. “I mean, I’ve known Harry for a very long time now and it doesn’t sound like him to do something like that. But he’s a really cheeky boy, though, and he’s very into girls… but I’m not sure that he would cheat on you like that”.
“Well, those pictures make it quite obvious that that’s exactly what he would do” I murmured and Niall didn’t seem to have a good answer to that.
“But you were at the party too, right?” I asked him and he nodded immediately.
“Can you be honest with me on something then?..” He met my eyes and he seemed to understand me. “Was Harry sober on that party or not?” I had a little hope that he’d been so drunk he couldn’t even control what he was doing. Niall took a long pause before he answered my question.
“Yes… he was completely sober” he had a weird look on his face when he gave me the answer. It was like he was trying to hide something, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.

chapter 14

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 14:21:02 -0400

Deimante was just standing there waiting for me to either answer her back or have a break down. Even though I honestly had to say I was close to a break down, I didn’t want to give her that satisfaction. No matter what I said she would use against me anyway, so I didn’t know what to do.
“You’re unbelievable” was the only thing I said, before I turned around and made my way out of the crowd, leaving the hallway, the school and what used to be my normal happy life, behind me.

—

As soon as I got home, the first thing that entered my mind was to call Harry, but I got rid of the thought right away. What could he do anyway? Absolutely nothing, I guessed. He was busy with all his work and he couldn’t really stop Deimante from being a bitch anyway. So later that night when he texted me “Hi honey, I saw the pictures online. I’m sorry, are you okay? Love you x”, I answered “Yeah, it’s okay. I’m completely fine! Love you too:) x”. I felt a bit bad lying to him, but it was probably for the best. I didn’t want him to worry about me when he was busy with the band and everything. They were doing all this promoting and radio interviews, because they’d realized their debut single a few weeks ago.

The first couple of days I told my mom I was sick and stayed in bed all day, without even bothering to get out of my pj’s. After a while she got suspicious and I ended up telling her the entire story. After I was done talking, she just sat staring into the air for a couple of minutes. I was a bit worried she was going to get mad at me for not telling her sooner, but she didn’t.
“I’m really happy you’ve find yourself such a nice boyfriend and I would love to meet him soon” she smiled and gave me a long hug. “But is he worth losing your friends? I mean – boys come and go, but your friends are always there for you”.
“Well, they don’t seem to be here for me now..” I murmured. Just the thought of the looks Ida and Ane had given me at school a few days ago made me really angry. They hadn’t even given me a change to explain myself. Not that I’d really tried to talk to them a lot either, though. I decided I had to go back to school the next day, to at least try to get my best friends back.

After a few days away from school, I obviously wasn’t such an interesting topic anymore. When I arrived at school the next day, people didn’t stare at me – they completely ignored me instead, which I figured was a lot better. I preferred feeling like a shadow to be honest. The only ones who actually looked up at me when I walked by was Ida and Ane. They didn’t smile, but at least they didn’t ignore me, so I guessed that was a good thing. I walked up to them and tried to look confident.
“I need to talk to you”. After a few second of hesitation they both nodded and followed me outside, where no one else could hang over our shoulders. I basically told them the same story that I’d told my mom the night before. Everything that had happened the past couple of weeks. From when I met Harry on my way home from the river court and when he gave me the note at the signing, to our kisses by the lake and saying goodbye to him and the other lads at the airport. Their reaction was a lot like my mothers, they just stared out in nowhere for a little while, like they were digesting what I’d just told them.
“We’ve both been kind of bitches, haven’t we?” Ane murmured after a little while and they both looked a bit ashamed. I was about to protest but I couldn’t, because they were right.
“Umm, well.. just a bit” I laughed nervously, not wanting to insult them. “But you had a really good reason to be angry with me. I should have told you sooner and I’m very sorry”.
“No, we’re the ones who should be sorry, not you. We should have given you a chance to explain everything before we judged you from what that bitch Deimante told everyone.” We all looked at each other for a little while, before I broke the silence.
“Oh come on, give me a hug before I start crying” I laughed and we all hugged each other tightly.

“I’m really sorry about what he did to you, though… he could at least have waited a little while before he hooked up with someone new” Ane said with a concerned look on her face.
“Huh, what?” I bet my face looked like a big question mark. What the hell was she talking about? Me and Harry were still dating.
“Well, you know.. the pictures of him and Pixie Lott from that party were quite…” she didn’t finish the sentence, like she was afraid to hurt me even more. She obviously understood that I didn’t have any idea what she was talking about, because she drew her phone up from her school bag and went on twitter.
“Here are one of the pictures..” she murmured and handed her phone over to me. I looked down at the picture on her phone and forgot to breathe for a few seconds. In the picture Harry and Pixie Lott were basically all over each other and they seemed to really enjoy each other’s company. I knew the photo was from a recent event, because Harry had been talking about it when we hung out.
“He hasn’t broken up with you yet, has he?” Ida asked, almost in shock. I couldn’t manage to speak, so I just shook my head. I couldn’t believe I’d fell for his games. I should have known this from the very start; that he was just another teenage boy who was playing with any girl he could find and then moved on to the next one on the list. Our long talks, kissing and goodbyes had just been a part of his little game all along.

chapter 13

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 09:45:00 -0400

Later that night I remembered that I’d completely forgotten about asking Harry about Deimante. I was about to pick up my phone and text him, but I figured to just leave it. He’d seemed like his old self again at the airport today and I didn’t want to ruin that. Was it that important anyway? That bitch didn’t have the rights to interrupt us and our relationship. She should just stay away and mind her own business. She couldn’t do anything to us anyway, could she?

—

The next morning I ran into class fifteen minutes late and hurried to find my seat besides Ida. I’d been feeling so sorry for myself last night, I’d cried myself to sleep and forgot to put my alarm on. When I sat down and smiled to Ida, she just looked at me without even trying to return a grin. The class had gone completely silent as soon as I entered the classroom and I coughed uncomfortable, looking around. I swear there wasn’t a single person in class, who wasn’t staring at me. As soon as I met their glares, they looked down and got really busy reading in their books. I was too tired and upset to care, so I just ignored them all and started reading the pages in the book that our teacher had written down on the blackboard.

As soon as the school bell rang, I turned towards Ida.
“What the hell was that all about?” I demanded to know. She gave me a killer gaze, like if she could kill whoever she wanted to in the entire world, she would choose me right away.
“Oh, don’t act so innocent” she replied sarcastically. “The picture is everywhere, everyone has seen it.” I raised an eyebrow and looked confused over at her.
“I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about! What picture?” Ida picked up her phone and handed it over to me. When I saw the picture I was almost sure I was going to throw up immediately. I hurried to pick up my stuff and excused myself from Ida, before I ran out of the classroom and headed towards the ladies room. I locked myself in a stall, sat down on the toilet seat and started sobbing.

With tears running down my face, I drew my phone up from my pocket and went on facebook. There it was. The picture. A stupid brown haired girl lying down on a blanket by the lake, completely overwhelmed by the curly haired boy who was kissing her. I knew Deimante was a jealous bitch. I knew she wanted Harry freakin bad. But this? I’d never thought she would go this far. Even this was beyond her boundaries. She didn’t have the right to put out pictures of me with my boyfriend (if he was my boyfriend, I honestly wasn’t sure) on the internet and claim me for stealing her boyfriend.
I took a deep breath, whipped the tears away from my face and marched out in the hallway, ready to slap Deimante’s face if she came in my way. All the people in the hallway stared at me, whispered and pointed in my direction. I honestly felt like a criminal, like I’d killed someone. But I hadn’t. I’d just lived my life as a happy teenage girl for just a few days, and this was my payback.

Of course I had to run into the bitch herself sooner or later. She stood by her locker surrounded by all her friends and when I walked by she turned towards me, with a proud look on her face.
“So, how long were you planning to keep your little secret?” She asked in a sweet sarcastic way.
“It’s not your business” I snapped back, using all my self-control to not throw myself at her and rip her hair off.
“Well, me and Harry are quite close, so he probably would have told me sooner or later”. Yeah, right. She and Harry hadn’t been talking in ages, even I knew that, even though Harry hadn’t been talking much about his earlier relationship. Deimante continued talking, with her slutty voice.
“But what about you? I thought you and your friends were closer than this. How long were you planning to keep this from them? Don’t you trust each other?”
A crowd had started forming around us and I could see Ida and Ane in the back. They both had angry looks on their faces; not like they were angry at Deimante for being such a bitch to me, but like they were angry at me for not telling them. Of course I understood them, but I was going to tell them any time soon and what Deimante said about me not trusting them was definitely not true.

Because I’d just kept quiet, lost in my own thought, Deimante continued with her speech.
“And last but not least, I feel sorry for Nick. I mean, seriously girl – he’s had a crush on you forever and you just sneak behind his back with another guy? That’s not a very nice thing to do towards one of your closest mates.” This one really felt like a kick in the stomach. What? Nick having a crush on me? That was bullshit. We’d been best friends forever and we’d never been more than that. Or at least that’s what I thought, but I understood that there had been more than just a friendship when I shot a gaze over at Nick in the back of the crowd. He looked hurt and disappointed.
Deimante was just standing there waiting for me to either answer her back or have a break down. Even though I honestly had to say I was close to a break down, I didn’t want to give her that satisfaction. No matter what I said she would use against me anyway, so I didn’t know what to do.
“You’re unbelievable” was the only thing I said, before I turned around and made my way out of the crowd, leaving the hallway, the school and what used to be my normal happy life, behind me.

chapter 12

Mon, 02 Apr 2012 10:08:40 -0400

“Wait.. what? Back to London?” I let go of his hand. He looked hurt and he obviously understood that we’d had some misunderstandings.
“But Susann, I both live there and work there. I’ve got an important job, remember?” Of course I knew this, how couldn’t I? How come the thought about him going back home to London hadn’t hit me until now? I was tired of all these emotions and drama, so I just nodded.
“Yeah, I remember”. He reached out for me again and hugged my tightly.
“We’ll figure it out” he whispered into my ear.

—

When I got home I didn’t really know what to do. I was confused and a lot of thoughts were running through my mind at the same time. I figured I should just lie down on the couch and surf the internet for a little while, to get my mind off things. I was just scrolling down my Facebook timeline when a picture caught my attention – it was a picture of Deimante, Harry’s ex. I didn’t know why the picture caught my attention so fast, thinking about the fact that she posted pictures of herself 24/7. She had wavy brown hair and a really pretty face. Even though I hated every single part about her, I had to admit I was jealous of her looks.

I was just about to continue scrolling when I noticed something. It was something about her that looked very familiar, like I’d seen someone like her a short time ago. That’s when I got it, it was her hair. I was a hundred percent sure it was her back I’d seen running away from the bushes today, that’s why the hair had looked so familiar. That explained why Harry had acted so weird too, he’d probably noticed that it was her, without telling me. What the hell had she been doing in the bushes spying on me and Harry? Was she really sinking that low? Of course she was, I knew her – she would do anything to get Harry back in her life. I decided to forget about her and rather ask Harry about it tomorrow, so I went straight to bed.

It was 12 PM Sunday afternoon and I was on my way to the airport to say goodbye to Harry, before he was going back home to London. I’d already ordered plane tickets to come and visit him in a couple of weeks, but I still didn’t want him to leave. When I arrived at the airport I spotted him with four other lads and a man in the 40’s, probably their manager or something. When I got closer I recognized the four lads as Louis, Niall, Liam and Zayn, his fellow band mates. Awkward how me and Harry had been hanging out for the last week, but I still hadn’t met his four best friends. Except for at the signing, though, but there I was probably just another fan to them.

When I walked up to them Harry lit up and gave me a quick kiss on the lips, nothing passionate, just a simple hello kiss. He introduced me to the other guys and they all grinned at me and started chatting right away. It was obvious Harry had been talking a lot about me, because they knew more stuff about me than they should, after meeting me like a minute ago. I understood why Harry was so close to them though, because they were all amazing guys. I really enjoyed their company and Niall never failed to make me laugh. I had a feeling these were the type of guys I would have been friends with, if they weren’t famous and lived in my town.

We’d just been standing there chatting for almost 30 minutes when the man in the 40’s, or Paul as they called him, said it was time to leave. I felt my heart sink as I realized I wouldn’t see either Harry or the other boys in two weeks. I knew the time would run by really fast, because I was busy with school, soccer and everything, but I still couldn’t help but feeling sad anyway.
Harry almost commanded the others to go ahead, so that he could have a minute alone with me before he left. I waved at them and wished them a good flight back, before I turned towards Harry with a huge lump in my throat.

“So.. it’s time for me to leave” he said and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. I was flattered he was sorry about leaving too, knowing it wasn’t just unilateral.
“Yes, I’m going to miss you…” I murmured and looked down on my converse shoes. I wasn’t really good at handling such kind of situations, so I found it easier to avoid eye contact.
“I’m gonna miss you too, honey”. He stroked my cheek carefully and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it seemed to get just bigger and bigger.
“We’ll see each other again in a couple of weeks, though” Harry assured me and then he kissed me passionately one last time, before he took his suitcase and headed towards the others. I just stood there watching him walk away and it wasn’t until he was out of sight I noticed tears running down my cheeks. I hurried to whip them away with the back of my hand, before I turned around and left the airport.
Later that night I remembered that I’d completely forgotten about asking Harry about Deimante. I was about to pick up my phone and text him, but I figured to just leave it. He’d seemed like his old self again at the airport today and I didn’t want to ruin that. Was it that important anyway? That bitch didn’t have the rights to interrupt us and our relationship. She should just stay away and mind her own business. She couldn’t do anything to us anyway, could she?

chapter 11

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 09:05:30 -0400

Even though I didn’t show it, I was a bit disappointed he hadn’t kissed me. Okay, he’d kissed me on my cheek, but I thought we were past that stage by now. Daydreaming back to the wonderful kiss last night, I started worrying if some of our magic had drifted away during the night.

—

I forgot my worries as soon as we reached the picnic blanket Harry had laid down on the lawn, right by the beautiful lake that glittered because of the sun’s reflection in the water. The blanket was covered up with red rose petals and in a basket I could spot some really yummy sandwiches and chocolate covered strawberries.
“You’re so sweet..” I murmured, more to myself than to Harry, but he obviously heard me because he squeezed my hand gently. We sat down and started chatting while eating the sandwiches, which btw, were twice as good as they looked. When I was done eating them I was so full, I couldn’t manage to take another bite.
“These are the most delicious sandwiches I’ve ever tasted” I admitted and patted my stomach. “Did you make them?”
“Yes, I did. I actually love cooking” Harry answered, looking a bit embarrassed.
“Well, then you’re an incredible cook” I laughed and smiled at him.

Even though I was so satisfied I could throw up any minute, I couldn’t say no to his chocolate covered strawberries. Especially now that I knew he’d fixed all this food on his own. I’d just had my third chocolate covered strawberry when Harry coughed uncomfortable.
“Uuuum, you’ve got some chocolate on your lips”.
“Ohh…” I blushed and was about to lick it away with my tongue when he stopped me.
“Wait, I’ll help you with that” he said and leaned forward. He closed his eyes and kissed me again, just as perfect as he’d kissed me last night at the bench. Everything was perfect, life was perfect, he was perfect. When he pulled away I decided it was about time I got a bit brave as well.
“Wait, I think you’ve got some chocolate on your lips, too” I said cheekily and leaned towards him again. While we kissed I ran my fingers through his smooth curls, and he lay me down on the blanket, leaning over me.

I was almost a bit worried he was about to rip my clothes off, when we both noticed a camera flash and pulled away from each other immediately.
“Where did that come from?” Harry whispered and glanced around.
“I dunno…” I answered him back and noticed how worried he looked. “The paparazzies couldn’t have found us here, could they?”
Harry shrugged.
“You never know.. they could be anywhere.” We’d just started calming down when there was a rustling in the bushes and we spotted a dark haired girl run away. Definitely too young to be a paparazzi, maybe my age or a bit older, I wasn’t quite sure. Even though I’d just seen the girl from behind, there was something about her that I’d seen before, I just couldn’t place her. Harry had a weird look on his face as well.

Nothing serious had really happened, but the date was kind of ruined anyway. Harry continued acting weird as we packed up our stuff and left the romantic spot by the lake. He offered to walk with me as far as he could outside public, so I let him tag along with me. He was starting to get back to his old self, but we didn’t say much as we walked. We just strolled along the lake hand in hand, like an old married couple.

He didn’t speak before we’d reached the limit for as far as he could walk with me.
“So I had a really great time today” he met my eyes and I felt a chill down my spine. “I’m sorry about whoever interrupted us, I never thought something like that would happen..”
“Hey, don’t worry! It doesn’t matter and it wasn’t your fault” I assured him, before he took everything out on himself. “And I had an incredible time too.”
“I would really like to see you again before I’m heading back to London tomorrow.”
“Wait.. what? Back to London?” I let go of his hand. He looked hurt and he obviously understood that we’d had some misunderstandings.
“But Susann, I both live there and work there. I’ve got an important job, remember?” Of course I knew this, how couldn’t I? How come the thought about him going back home to London hadn’t hit me until now? I was tired of all these emotions and drama, so I just nodded.
“Yeah, I remember”. He reached out for me again and hugged my tightly.
“We’ll figure it out” he whispered into my ear.

chapter 10

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 05:21:07 -0400

“Anyway, I have to go home now” I said and waved shyly, before I turned my back to him.
I’d just started walking when he hugged me from behind and whispered into my ear.
“I guess I’ll see you around, then?”

—

I almost flew on a pink cloud all the way back home, lost in my own little wonderland. Fortunately I’d just been gone for half an hour, even though it felt like decades, so Ane and Ida bought my excuse about the long queue and that I’d met Josh and a few other guys and started talking. I promised myself that I was going to tell them the truth, I just had to find the right time.
When I went to bed that night I couldn’t help but send Harry a text.
“Looking forward to seeing you again;-) x.” I smiled at my cute little joke, before I put my phone away and fell asleep as soon as my head was on the pillow. In my dreams everything was perfect; I was Harry’s girlfriend, all the One Direction fans loved me and my friends and I were closer than ever.

The next morning my phone woke me up, the ridiculously loud ringtone almost gave me a heart attack. I grabbed my phone, not bothering to see who it was.
“Hello” I grunted half-unconscious, with a groggy morning voice.
“Oh sorry honey, did I wake you?” My favorite voice answered in the other end. His voice was so unexpected I immediately sat up in bed and was completely awake within a few seconds. I wish he could call me every day before school, so that I could get up as fast as this every morning. I cleared my throat and laughed.
“Hahah yeah, kinda… but it’s okay, if you hadn’t called, I would have wasted my entire day sleeping”.
Harry’s childish laugh rang in my ears and I could just imagining him sitting there with a cheeky smile on his face.
“So now that I was so nice to call and wake you up, I think you owe me one.”
“Like what?” I giggled, hoping for a good suggestion.
“What about picnic for two by the lake?” He answered, trying to be super serious, but his cute laugh ruined it.
“Sounds perfect” I said right away, playing hard-to-get wasn’t going to help me anyway, so why bother? We agreed to meet by the lake at 3 PM and hung up on each other. I lied back in my bed and smiled at the ceiling like a goof. Was it normal to feel like this about a guy or was I just crazy? I honestly didn’t know, but for now I was perfectly fine with this feeling.

On my way to meet Harry a few hours later, I realized I spent so much time thinking about him, I almost forgot my actual life. I had a football match today, and an important one as well. In any other occasion I would have canceled whatever plans I had, but not today, today was different. For the first time in ages I wanted to do something else more than I wanted to play football. I felt a bit bad, but I promised myself I wouldn’t miss any other matches this season and texted Nick that I couldn’t make it today, because I wasn’t feeling well.

We’d agreed to hang out on more private places for now, because I hadn’t told my friends yet and because Harry didn’t want me to get lobbed at by all the hysterical paparazzies. That’s why he’d picked the lake for a picnic, and I was perfectly satisfied with his choice. I knew it sounded cheesy, but I kind of considered the lake ‘our place’. My thoughts went back to our conversation the day before and in my mind I relived the amazing kiss that he’d blown me away with.
A couple of minutes later I spotted Harry sitting on the bench we’d been sitting on just yesterday. The sight of him made my heart jump and I couldn’t wait to spend an entire evening with him, without any drama and tears. I was just about to reach the bench when he turned and a wide smile lit up his face. I couldn’t help but noticing how handsome he looked. Sure, he always looked handsome, but it was something different about him today, like I really saw him for the first time. I didn’t usually notice peoples clothes that much, but the way he dressed caught my attention anyway. He was wearing beige chinos, an ordinary white t-shirt, a grey blazer and black Rayban Wayfarer sunglasses, almost similar to the ones I was wearing. What caught most of my attention was the grey blazer. It was so classy and dressed up, but still he managed to make it look really laid back and cool, just perfect for a normal date.
I, however, hadn’t managed to come up with some amazing outfit; tight black jeans, a white oversized t-shirt and a denim vest. After all, I was going on a date by the lake, not some kind of beauty competition.

Harry stood up and started walking towards me. I grinned and waved at him, trying to keep cool, when what I mostly wanted to do, was to run right into his muscular arms and kiss him again. Crazy how desperate an unkissed girl (or at least until yesterday), can get over wanting to kiss someone again. But when I remember that this someone was freaking Harry Styles, I didn’t consider myself so crazy after all.
When I reached him, he just carefully kissed my cheek and took my hand in his.
“You look beautiful today” he complimented and I swear I went completely red within tenths of seconds. I tried to shake off the feeling and complimented him back.
“You look quite handsome today as well”.
Even though I didn’t show it, I was a bit disappointed he hadn’t kissed me. Okay, he’d kissed me on my cheek, but I thought we were past that stage by now. Daydreaming back to the wonderful kiss last night, I started worrying if some of our magic had drifted away during the night.

chapter 9

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 09:36:01 -0400

“Why haven’t you been returning any of my texts?” Harry demanded to know. I kept quiet and looked down on my feet, afraid to answer him. He put his hands on both sides of my face, forcing me to face him.
“If you don’t like me and don’t want me to bother you anymore, just tell me. I just need to know, so please”. He cleared his throat and repeated the three letters that I feared the most
“Why?”

—

I took a deep breath and collected my thoughts
“can we go somewhere else to talk?” Harry just nodded and we went outside in the clear night. We walked for a bit before I found courage to talk.
“I’m scared, okay? That’s it” I admitted, looking away from him. We stopped and sat down on a bench by the lake.
“Would you mind telling me what scares you?” Harry asked carefully, not trying to force me into anything. Suddenly all my feelings overwhelmed me and I started sobbing. If I’d been with anyone else but Harry, I’d felt embarrassed right now, but for some reason I didn’t around him. He just whipped the tears of my cheeks and stroke my back, waiting for me to answer.
“I don’t know” I murmured “nothing. A lot. Everything.. I’m just so confused”. When he didn’t answer, I figured he wasn’t completely satisfied with my explanation, so decided it was time to let him into my thoughts.
“I’ve never been in love before” I admitted “not just because no one has ever liked me, but because I’ve never considered boys more than just friends. I hate the fact that you control my feelings so much, no matter if I want you to or not. And I also don’t have any idea why you’re even interested in me, because you’re a world famous pop star and you can get whoever you want. And last thing is that it’s freaking me out to hide it from everyone, because I suck at lying to people and I feel bad every time.”

Harry kept quiet for a little while, like he was digesting what I’d just told him.
“I honestly don’t know what to say” Harry murmured “but one thing is for sure – even though I can get a lot of girls because of my fame, I don’t want any models or actresses. I want you, because you’re down to earth, laid back and fun, and you make me week in my knees” he blushed a little bit at the last word and smiled insecure. “And I’m not going to stop you from telling your friends and family. If that’s what you want to do, I’m not going to stop you. I just want you the bes…”. He didn’t get time to finish the sentence, because I almost threw myself at him, giving him a big hug. Tears streamed down my face and I pulled back from him.
“I’m so ridiculous” I laughed and whipped my tears with the back of my hand.
“No, you’re not” Harry disagreed “you’re absolutely perfect”.
I smiled through my tears
“so where does this leave us?” I asked him.
“I don’t know, how would you feel if I kissed you?” His eyes were playful, but his voice was a hundred percent serious.
“There’s only one way to find out” I bantered back and lent closer.

My heart beat faster and faster as Harry came closer. To be honest, I’d never kissed anyone before. Harry, however, had probably loads of experiences with this kind of stuff. I was almost about to bail when his soft lips met mine and I forgot about all of my doubts, just living in the moment. It was obvious Harry had done this before and words couldn’t describe how good his kissing was. He held my face in his hands and continued kissing me passionately, without letting go. We just sat there on the bench in what felt like forever, completely lost in each other’s company. When he pulled away, we were both breathless and I started giggling, feeling happier than I had in a long time.

“That was my first kiss…” I whispered, not caring about what he thought about me anymore.
“Well, in that case, you did great” he whispered in my ear and kissed me gently on my lips one more time. We kissed for a little longer before I remembered the reasons I’d actually gone to the store.
“Oh shit! I have to get home, my friends are waiting.”
“Are you going to tell them?” He asked me, tussling with my hair while looking into my eyes.
“Yes, but not yet. I’ll have to find the courage first” I shrugged “I’m a bit worried about how they’ll react.”
“Whatever you want, Susann” Harry smiled cheekily at me, making the butterflies in my stomach go mad.
“Anyway, I have to go home now” I said and waved shyly, before I turned my back to him.
I’d just started walking when he hugged me from behind and whispered into my ear.
“I guess I’ll see you around, then?”

chapter 8

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 17:19:00 -0400

I was almost about to fall asleep when a text popped in on my iPhone and almost made me jump out of my bed.
“Looking forward to seeing you again;-) x.” It was from Harry. Oh man, I said and crushed my face into my pillow. Still I couldn’t help but smile, but I didn’t have any idea what to do…

—

“Harry Styles” I typed in on Google on my mac book. I was in history class and the stuff we were going through was so boring I would most likely die any minute. I felt like such a stalker, but I couldn’t tame my curiosity. Harry’s birthday was at the 1^st of February, which means he was 17 now. Before he got famous he lived here, in Cheshire, with his mum, stepdad and sister, Gemma. I was scrolling down Wikipedia, reading, when I heard someone behind me.
My heart skipped a beat and I hurried to shut my computer.
“What secrets do you have on there?” Ida teased as she sat down next to me. I just laughed and avoided her question
“so what are you guys up to after school?”
“I don’t have any plans, why?” She answered, and I felt relieved she didn’t notice me avoiding her question.
“Fancy hanging out? We can have a girls night at my place or something” I suggested “with popcorn, chick flicks and stuff.” I saw a smile spread across her face as she nodded frantically. This was exactly the reaction I’d expected, I knew her too well. I felt so bad about hiding my love life (or whatever it was) for my friends, so I somehow had to do something nice for them.

It was 9 PM Friday night and me, Ida and Ane were wrapped up in blankets and pillows, lying on the living room floor. We had the house to ourselves for the entire evening and we were just halfway through Mean Girl, when my phone rang. I picked it up and saw Harry’s name on the screen. Brilliant timing, I thought and blushed, before I hung up and turned my phone off.
“Who was it?” Ane asked me curious, the expression in my face had obviously revealed me.
“I didn’t notice the number, so it was probably just the wrong number” I babbled, paying attention to the movie again.

When the movie was over we were completely out of popcorn, so I volunteered to go to the store and buy some more. I jumped into some flip-flops and put on a hoodie, before I hurried out the door. We probably would have survived without more popcorn, but I just needed some time alone. Harry had been texting me all week and I hadn’t answered him even once. Why did I have to be such a coward? Why was I avoiding him so much? I pretended to myself I didn’t know, but deep inside I knew why. I was scared. Simple as that, I was running away instead of facing my fears.

I arrived at the store 5 minutes later and went inside. I grabbed some popcorn and a few bottles of coke, before I went to queue. When I reached the cash desk a thought suddenly hit me – of course I’d forgotten money when I hurried out the door, desperate to get some privacy. I was just about to pick up my phone and call one of the girls, when someone tapped me on my shoulder
“do you need to borrow some money?” I already knew who the voice came from before I turned to face the curly haired boy, who’d haunted my thoughts for the last week.
I smiled brightly at him and tried to act normal, as I took the money and paid. Harry paid for his chips, before he went up to me. I’d expected him to be happy to see me, but he almost seemed angry or at least hurt.
“I’m so sorry about that, so stupid of me to not bring money. I’ll give it back to you as fast as possible” I apologized.
“I don’t care about those stupid money, Susann”.
“Then why are you so upset?” I acted confused, even though I kind of already knew.
“Why haven’t you been returning any of my texts?” Harry demanded to know. I kept quiet and looked down on my feet, afraid to answer him. He put his hands on both sides of my face, forcing me to face him.
“If you don’t like me and don’t want me to bother you anymore, just tell me. I just need to know, so please”. He cleared his throat and repeated the three letters that I feared the most
“Why?”

chapter 7

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 12:52:35 -0400

“Louis, it went alright!” Harry bragged into the phone. Oh man, I thought. He was reporting it to his soul mate? I’d never been a One Direction fan, but it was impossible to not know about Larry Stylinson. “Tell your boyfriend I say hi!” I teased and lay back down on the lawn, what a weird day this had been.

—

Harry and I chilled on the lawn for hours, talking about absolutely everything. I couldn’t believe I was sitting there, talking to a guy who was almost a stranger to me. It was easy to talk to him though, I felt like I could really be myself around him, without worrying if I was going to say something wrong. And I hated to admit that I’d been wrong, but I had – he wasn’t a diva at all. If it wasn’t for the fact that my friends were talking about him and the band 24 hours 7 days a week, I wouldn’t even have noticed that he was famous. Instead of going on about himself and his career, he mostly asked me questions; about me, my friends and family, school, everything. Might sound a bit stalker ish, but I found it cute.

“Oh fuck” I gasped, when I checked my phone, to see that it was almost 10:30 PM and I had three missed calls from my mom. How the hell was I supposed to explain this to her? I just hoped she hadn’t called Ida or her mother, because that would give me a bit of a mess to get away with, when I got home.
“What’s wrong?” Harry replied immediately, looking almost horrified. I laughed at his reaction and explained the situation.
“Wow, I wasn’t really planning to get you in trouble” he smiled with an angel face. I laughed at his cute expression and was about to stand up when he grabbed my wrist and whispered
“but before you go…” I glanced into his green eyes, feeling completely lost.
“May I take you out on an actual date, where I don’t have to force you to come and meet me?”
“Hahah, if I didn’t want to meet you, I wouldn’t have come…” I avoided his question, feeling so awkward about the entire situation. Of course I wanted to go out with him again, but should I? I couldn’t hide this from my friends forever and this dating thing wasn’t me at all.

Harry sent me the ‘answer my question or I’ll die inside’ look, so I decided that I had to go with my heart.
“Yeah, of course I’ll go out with you again”. He smiled brightly and looked relieved, like he’d almost expected me to say no.
“But on one condition – my friends can’t know, because that would make this whole situation really hard”. Just the thought of how jealous my two best friends would be if I told them, almost made me cringe.
“Yeah, that’s probably for the best” he agreed “if the media catch us, you might get a lot of attention, that I’m not sure you actually want”.

I was just about to go when he stopped me for the second time. I wouldn’t ever get home, if he didn’t let me go soon, but he was so cute I couldn’t leave him.
“I’ll need your number, so I’m sure that you’ll keep your promise” Harry teased and took his iPhone up from his pocket. We both exchanged numbers and then he let go of me, waving after me, as I started on my way back home. Was this reality? I caught myself thinking. I was almost embarrassed, this was absolutely not my usual self. I’d always liked guys, but I’d never considered them more than just buddies or team mates, but this was obviously different. I had a love-hate relationship to the way Harry made me feel. I hated the fact that he could control my feelings more than I could and that this felt completely wrong and new to me, but the hours I’d spent on the football court with him were unforgettable.

I’d planned to just sneak into my room and go to bed right away, but I ran into my mom as soon as I got inside the house. Damn it, I thought.
“Hi sweetheart, did you have a fun at Ida’s place?” At first I just stared at her like a freak, before I realized how suspicious I acted.
“Uum, it was great” I murmured and smiled politely to her. How the fuck was I supposed to continue seeing Harry behind everyone’s back? I sucked at lying and I didn’t like doing it either. I suddenly didn’t feel well and decided to go to bed right away, without any food.
When I was lying in bed ten minutes later, I just kept on staring up in the ceiling, because I couldn’t sleep. Thoughts spun around in my head, making me crazy. Meeting Harry today had been wonderful, but now I started regretting that I’d got myself into this. I was almost about to fall asleep when a text popped in on my iPhone and almost made me jump out of my bed.
“Looking forward to seeing you again;-) x.” It was from Harry. Oh man, I said and crushed my face into my pillow. Still I couldn’t help but smile, but I didn’t have any idea what to do…

chapter 6

Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:48:04 -0400

I lay down on the lawn and watched the clouds fly over the blue sky. I’d almost fell asleep when someone coughed
“I wasn’t sure if you would show up.”

—

Harry sat down on the lawn right next to me, but not too close.
“Right back at ya” I answered and realized how stupid it sounded.
“Hah, I didn’t really ask you to come here and then not show up myself” he ensured me, shrugging. I smiled and our eyes met for just a second, before I laughed and looked in another direction. It was quiet for a bit and I honestly have to say I felt quite uncomfortable. I just didn’t get why I felt like this around him? I had so many guy friends who I hung out with absolutely all the time and played football with, we went to football matches together and everything. What made Harry different from all the other boys? Probably the fact that he was staring me down, like a psychopath.
I couldn’t take the silence anymore, so I decided to break the ice.
“What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?”

He suddenly seemed a bit more insecure and his cheeks turned light pink. He drew his fingers through his curly hair and took a deep breath.
“Well, this is a bit embarrassing, so please don’t judge me” he smiled at me apologizing and I nodded passionately.
“The thing is that when I first ran into you the other day, I thought it was something special about you, like you wasn’t like any other girl I’ve met. And when you didn’t want to hang out with me, I got a bit curious. This might sound a bit diva ish, but I’m not used to getting rejected a lot. I figured I should just leave you alone and forget about you, but when I saw you at the signing I got surprised that you actually showed up there.”
“I promised my friends” I interrupted, but he blew me off and continued talking.
“I did the first thing that hit my mind and that was to ask you to meet me here. I know I sound like a freak or something, but I’ve just got this feeling in my stomach that I shouldn’t give up on you so fast. Which is why I would really like to get to know you better, because you seem like a quite nice girl.”
“You’ll regret this when you figure what a bitch I actually am” I joked and laughed “but I have to say I’m flattered.”

“Puuh.. that’s good” Harry answered relieved “I wasn’t completely sure whether you would react like this, or just beat me up and run away” he bantered, I could feel that things got a bit less awkward between us, as I laughed with him.
“Well, I’m a big and scary football player, you know, so I would have been a bit worried too”.
He continued laughing while he brought his phone up from his pocket and entered a number quickly.
“Louis, it went alright!” Harry bragged into the phone. Oh man, I thought. He was reporting it to his soul mate? I’d never been a One Direction fan, but it was impossible to not know about Larry Stylinson. “Tell your boyfriend I say hi!” I teased and lay back down on the lawn, what a weird day this had been.

chapter 5

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 16:40:00 -0400

I grabbed my jacket and left McDonald’s. On my across the parking lot I spotted Deimante, one of my least favorite people. She wasn’t just make-up with a face on it, she was also a bitch to everyone except her friends, and I think she was in a relationship with Harry before he got famous. She told everyone that ending their relationship was a mutual decision, because Harry was too busy with the band, but we all knew that he actually dumped her because he figured what a self-centered bitch she was.

—

When I got home it was 6 PM, so I still had some time before I was going to meet Harry, which I’d kind of decided to do on my way home. Okay, I’d also changed my mind four times on the 15 minutes’ walk, so I would might change my mind again a few times before 8 anyway.
I felt gross and sweaty after the signing, so I decided to take a shower. When I was done showering, I put on my bathrobe and went to my bedroom to find some clothes. For the first time in ages a thought hit my mind – what the hell was I supposed to wear!? I usually didn’t care too much about what I was wearing. When I woke up in the morning, I threw on the first clothes I found and I was often wearing sportswear or football jerseys. I didn’t have anyone to impress at school or in my hometown or anything, so why should I even care? All the boys considered me one of them anyway, and I doubted that they really cared whether my t-shirt was white or pink.
Pink! Exactly, that was what I needed. I dug deep into my closet, I knew I had a pink tank top in there somewhere. I finally found it and drew it over my head.

“Oh man, I look like the pink panter” I said loudly to myself, taking it off as fast as I could. Screw Harry Styles, I didn’t care about how I looked in front of him. It wasn’t like I was going to the football court to impress him, I was going there to ask him what the fuck he wanted. Still, I couldn’t help but spraying on a little bit of the perfume that I’d got for my birthday last year. I’d used it like twice or something, because I wasn’t really a big fan of perfumes. Sure it smelled good, but I just hated it when I passed people in the hallway at school and five minutes later, I could still smell them.

I ended up with a high wasted denim shorts and the oversized grey t-shirt that I loved so much, because it was so comfortable. I braided my long hair and hung it down my right shoulder. It was 07:45 PM and I was tying my converse on, when my mom walked in.
“Hi honey!” She smiled enthusiastic “you smell good, who are you off to meet?” Deep inside I’d hoped that no one would notice the perfume, but that was obviously too much to ask for.
“I’m just going over to Ida’s place for a little while, we’re going to watch a movie or something, I think. I’ll be back in a few hours”. She glared at me while raising an eyebrow, so I grabbed my sunglasses and rushed out the door, before she had time to ask me anymore unnecessary questions. Parents were just too curious some times, especially moms or more specifically – my mom.

As I got closer and closer to the football court, I started regretting that I’d decided to go. What if it was just a prank? What if he was hiding in the bushes, just to check if I actually bought it? The only thing that kept me from turning around and walk straight home, was the thought of the way he’d stared at me at the signing. It just didn’t look like he was planning to make a fool out of me, so I just hoped he wasn’t as good an actor as a singer. Plus, I was curious about what he actually wanted to talk to me about. Maybe he was a secret football manager who wanted to sign me, because he’d been spying on me during football practice and thought I was really good? Hahah, not actually a possible option, but you never knew with these celebrity boys.

I was almost relieved when I arrived the empty football court – at least that meant he hadn’t been waiting for me. I lay down on the lawn and watched the clouds fly over the blue sky. I’d almost fell asleep when someone coughed
“I wasn’t sure if you would show up.”

chapter 4

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 11:51:00 -0400

I figured I should just sit down and wait for them, so I sat down on the lawn and took the piece of paper up from my pocket again. I had to check out those miraculous autographs that everyone was so crazy about. At first I could see nothing but doodles, before a few words in the downer part of the white paper caught my attention. Oh man, my heart skipped a beat as I indicated the words. What the hell was I going to do now?

—

“Susann! I need 2 talk 2 you, please meet me at the football court at 8 PM tonight .X Harry” the little note said. There were three options – 1. This Harry guy was a creepy stalker who wanted to get in my pants. 2. He was so used to getting everything he wanted, that he had to prove to himself that I couldn’t just reject him like that. 3. He was actually interested and wanted to get to know me.
The thought of the last option made butterflies fly in my stomach, even though I definitely didn’t want them to. I wasn’t interested in this guy, he wasn’t my type at all and he could find way better than me anyway, so why even bother? The thought of him showing up at the football court without anyone else being there made me feel a bit bad, though. It wouldn’t hurt to show up, would it? Just to ask him what he wanted. I had to think about it, I still had a few hours left. Maybe I’d even manage to forget about it? I knew I wouldn’t, but I could still hope.

When I’d finally found Ane and Ida in the crowd, we decided to go to McDonald’s and get some food. We were all hungry after all the queuing and being pushed around for the last hours, so we needed to sit down. While we were eating Ane and Ida chatted eagerly about the signing and how handsome the boys had looked, and that Niall or something obviously remembered Ane from when they met them last week. I was really happy for them, but I didn’t manage to pay attention. Every time I tried to join the conversation, my thoughts flew to other things and I got quiet again.

I was chewing my burger like a cow, looking out of the window, when I noticed that the girls were trying to get my attention. Damn it, Ida had obviously asked me something, but what!?
“Huh?” I looked at her, with an apologizing grin. This happened too often and I felt as bad every time, but I just couldn’t help it.
“I was just asking you what you thought about the signing” she replied “is something wrong, Susann? You seem a bit distant today”. Damn it, was it that visible? I couldn’t actually go like ‘naah, it’s nothing.. I’m just thinking about the fact that Harry Styles from One Direction wants to meet me tonight and I don’t know what he wants’. It just didn’t work that way, I couldn’t tell them.
“I’m sorry, I’m just a bit tired after the signing. I get a bit claustrophobic in small rooms with lots of people, so the signing was just a bit exhausting.” I explained, feeling a bit bad about lying right into their faces. Okay, it wasn’t really a lie, because it was true about the claustrophobic thing, but I was honestly feeling way better now.
Even though I felt bad about it, I decided to continue playing on the lie and told them that I didn’t feel good, and wanted to go home. I grabbed my jacket and left McDonald’s. On my across the parking lot I spotted Deimante, one of my least favorite people. She wasn’t just make-up with a face on it, she was also a bitch to everyone except her friends, and I think she was in a relationship with Harry before he got famous. She told everyone that ending their relationship was a mutual decision, because Harry was too busy with the band, but we all knew that he actually dumped her because he figured what a self-centered bitch she was.